Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Also, beer. Big fan.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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