i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
