hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
