Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Randomize
