She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
