he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
