My nipple is on Facebook.
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Randomize
