why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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