Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
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