I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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