I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
His nipple licking is glorious
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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