How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Four minutes until I can fart!
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Randomize
