Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
