At least make sure they are 18
Why
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
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