You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Randomize