omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
this will be a night to untag.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Randomize
