that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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