Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Randomize
