I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
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