i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
