I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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