i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Randomize