I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
