Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
