Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize