She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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