tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
