Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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