Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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