Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
