I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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