you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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