How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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