My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
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