I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
