apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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