people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Is Oprah even human
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
