I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
