So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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