Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Randomize
