you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
