Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize