Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
