Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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