Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
