Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
