Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
