If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
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