You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
