you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
