I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
