I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
the condom got lost in my hair
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
please come you make the beer taste better
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
