Whod you bang
I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Randomize
