i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize