just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Randomize
