Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
