What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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