i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
