Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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