I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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