Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Randomize
