who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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