New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
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