i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Randomize
