Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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