i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Randomize
