It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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