I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
