we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
This is the high leading the old right now
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
did you just send me my own nude
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
