A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
