ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize