the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
You were trust falling into bushes
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
