shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
someone get that fucking seahorse.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
