just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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