what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
