Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
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