just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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