I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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