Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Randomize