im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
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