Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
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