Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
nutella sex= disaster
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I FOUND THE LEGS
Randomize
