It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize