I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
