the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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