Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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