i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize