Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
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