I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
