I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
