DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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