Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
our cab driver is having phone sex.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
