At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
