I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
How does it feel to date your dad?
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
